Harmony Family Farm

I’m just going to come right out and say it. In our society, doctors, family, friends, and random people on the internet use fear to push women to birth in hospitals. They tell how dangerous birthing at home is, how stupid it is, how you NEED all the interventions. You need to be uncomfortable, poked, prodded, told what positions to labor in, and of course, you have to be on your back to push (which is literally the WORST position you could possibly give birth in). You aren’t allowed any dignity, and you need a plethora of nurses and doctors you don’t know in attendance. Pregnancy and birth have been so “medicalized” that it’s now treated as a disease rather than the beautiful and normal womanly life event that it is. Now, I understand that certain situations require c-section and OB care, but those are the minority. The majority of women are capable of birthing without intervention. It’s literally what we, as women, are designed to do. Isn’t that amazing??

When I gave birth to the boys, I did the typical OB hospital experience. I didn’t have a good epidural experience with Robbie, so when I gave birth to Hunter, I didn’t want one, and I told the nurses that. What did they do? They pulled me out of the water, where I was comfortable, put me on my back because they “HAVE TO MONITOR THE BABY AND WATERBIRTH IS A TERRIBLE THING!” As my labor progressed, they kept pushing it, pushing it,pushing it, pushing it, and pushing it until I caved and got one. Robert tried his absolute best to remind me that I didn’t want it, but I was in such a vulnerable state of mind, and the pain was so much because I was on my back, that I absolutely caved. Thinking back on this makes me so angry because my wishes were completely disregarded, and I had zero control over my own birth. Then, with Wyatt, I didn’t even try to make a plan of any sort because I knew it wouldn’t be respected. The boy’s births were still absolutely beautiful, though. I think every birth is, no matter how it happened.

Fast forward to my pregnancy with Belle. I went to the same OB I had had for nine years, had seen for all of my previous pregnancies. In one of my previous posts, I talked briefly about how different the experience was in the throes of a pandemic. They kept asking me if I wanted an abortion, which was so insulting, considering that they absolutely knew my stance on that. I am ardently pro-life.

Now, remember in my very first post when I talked about “cupcakes?” They started pushing the cupcakes, and when they figured out I wasn’t going to be poked with anything, they started treating me more like an object and less like a person. When I asked about what I could expect for a hospital birth, this go around, I would have to have a mask because I refused the cupcakes. If I refused that certain test where they stick a Q-tip up your nose, they would assume I had it, and they wouldn’t allow me to be the primary caretaker of my baby. At that point, I absolutely knew that homebirth was for me. There was no way in heck I would be subjecting myself or our baby to that kind of abuse. I joined a homebirth group on Facebook, and I read even more horror stories about hospital births during this insanity, which completely validated my decision. Some of the things these poor mamas were subjected to at the hands of doctors and nurses were simply appalling. Honestly, the pandemic did three things, it killed empathy, it brought out the absolute worst in people, and it kicked off a movement to get back to, in my opinion, the way things should be.

I found some wonderful midwives in CO, and when we moved, I found an amazing midwife here in TX. The level of care that my midwives gave me is so far above any care I ever received from a doctor, I will never go back to an OB. I was heard, my wishes were respected, and my questions were all answered without condescension.

I kept telling Belle that she could stay in until her guess date, and she did exactly that! I went into labor the evening before, and when I realized that she was going to be born on her date, I was so excited!

Laboring at home and not having to worry about packing up and getting in the car was so nice. I was completely comfortable just walking around our house. Robert was definitely my rock, and always has been. He’s the best husband a woman could ever ask for! He squeezed my hips and rubbed my back, I’m pretty sure I broke his hand when I was squeezing it. I sat on our bed with my exercise ball, I lay on the floor, I did inversions on the couch for a couple of contractions to get her into a better position because I was having some pretty intense back labor.

Then, while Robert was filling up our bathtub, my midwife had me labor on the toilet for a while, and let me tell you, they call that “dilation station” for a reason. The second I got in the tub, my water broke, and that’s when it got really intense. I don’t want to say I screamed through contractions, I will call it roaring. I tried to keep it in a low tone, but that was literally impossible for me to do. And the beauty of a homebirth is that you can cope however you feel you need to. There’s a point where instinct completely takes over, and it’s deeply spiritual. I really wasn’t aware of any of my surroundings. It was me and God. I felt very overstimulated in the water, so I got out, and we walked to the bed. Right then, another contraction hit, so I dropped to my knees on the floor, and honestly, I can’t remember if I stayed there for one contraction or two. I somehow got onto the bed, and I was so tired by that point that I laid on my back for a while. I remember it felt so good to lay down. My midwives suggested that I get on my hands and knees, and switching positions was so hard. It took all of my willpower. That felt a lot better, though. It was a lot easier to cope. By this time, I knew she was very close to being born! I was in such an intense mental space that I couldn’t verbalize anything. I think the Fetal Ejection Reflex took over because I had no control over my body. I felt a contraction coming on, and it didn’t hurt. It just felt like raw power. In my head, I was yelling, “She’s coming!” I couldn’t get the words out, though. I didn’t even push, and she came shooting out into her daddy arms! There wasn’t even enough time to capture a picture of her coming out. She was in, then she was out! Robert was the first one to hold her, and it was so amazing. He handed me to her through my legs, and I kind of did this roll thing onto my side to snuggle her in.

Now, if anything makes homebirth completely worth it, it is the postpartum. I was bleeding quite a bit, so I did opt for a shot of pitocin. I didn’t want to risk having to go to the hospital. We also did fundal massage, which absolutely does not feel good, but it helps bleeding slow down. I want to make note that hospitals practice fundal massage way too much. It should only be done directly postpartum if bleeding is an issue and not for days afterward. Too much of it can cause heavier bleeding. We got to do *actual* delayed cord clamping. Belle’s umbilical cord was not cut until the placenta was out. She latched beautifully and we got to wait to do her exam.

After my midwives got everything cleaned up, they tucked us into bed, and we got to rest with nobody bothering us every hour. Newborns sleep for 6 to 8 hours after they are born because it’s stressful on them, too! Being out of a hospital, we got that wonderful time uninterrupted in our own bed. Midwives do postpartum and newborn care to 8 weeks as well, so I never had to leave my house. Like I said above. This is as it should be.

Robbie woke up and just chilled out watching TV while Belle was born, and the other two slept through it. It was amazing the next morning because the boys could just hang out with me in the bedroom and be involved. Every time she cried, here came the three little ducklings, all in a row to check on her. I hope and pray every mommy gets to experience birth this way! I know it has benefitted me more than I could ever hope for.

In my next post, I’ll be talking about The Importance of Home: Creating a Sanctuary for your Family. See you next time!